Biting of the tongue

Okay so this is my first blog ever, and I figured I would start one so I could vent as well as rant and rave.

I guess I will start by giving a little back history. I am 23 and have lived with bipolar for 13 years now. Every day seems like a new challenge. Some days I can kick it in the teeth and make it my bitch other days well it makes me its bitch. GO FIGURE!!!! When it was just me,myself, and I it was okay to just let it run my life for a few days, but now that I have a little one, yeah not so much.

I am married and have been a mom for 4 1/2 months now. I love my little girl so much it hurts. I love my husband too but sometimes I want to scream at him when he pisses me off. Due to a car wreck I was in 4 years ago, I now own my own home. It is my husband, my daughter, our husky Tails, our mixed dog Izzie, and our 6 cats, Beast (rescue kitty), Ollie, Neil, Alice, Cooper and Bentley (adopted kitty), and me of course.

Now to the issues of today, My husband.

I love him mind you, but today I really just want to punch him. I get up between 7-8 every morning with Boogerbutt (nickname for my little girl). I feed her, change her, and put her down for a nap. Then I take care of the house (when bipolar is making me her bitch), as well as take care of the animals. All the while my hubby sleeps away. I try to get him up and the response is (when I tell him the time) "I don't care" followed by him rolling over and going back to sleep. This usually pisses me off because I feel he is missing out on his daughter's wonderful charm. Then when he does finally getup, he sits on his ass and watches tv or plays on the computer.

When I ask him to do something most of the time he kinda has a pissy attitude about it. He hardly ever plays with booger. It makes me want to scream at him "I might as well be a single mom, with all the help I get from you." but I don't. Instead I bite my tongue and carry on.

As of the moment he doesn't have a job but it working on it. I think this is why I get so pissed. He doesn't help out with hardly anything. When I need to go to the store he gets pissed, when I ask for help he gets pisses. He is afraid I am going to leave him because he doesn't have a job but in truth its his attitude that is going to push me to that. But I believe in working on things not giving up on them. So I will go to my moms for like a week to clear my head and then I come back and say what I need to say. The only issue is my mom lives an hour away and it isn't easy to get up there.

Well, my fingers hurt from bitch typing lol, so I am going to go be an adult and take care of the house.